Oh brain...how I miss you

I learned today that I should not go to the store sleepy. I was already in my pajamas but needed to make a quick run to the store, so I threw on some athletic shorts and a t-shirt and zoomed out the door. I get to the store and reach to put my phone into my pocket. But...there's no pocket! Wait...there are supposed to be pockets in these shorts! Uh oh, did I put them on inside out? I reach back to see if there's a tag sticking out and I feel the drawstring tie. Hmmm....there's not supposed to be a tie back there. Oh wow. These shorts are on backwards! Complete with some obvious front pockets on my rear end. How attractive, Jenny! After going through the store pulling on my shirt constantly to try to be sure that it's covering the pockets that I am certain everyone is staring and laughing at (even though no one noticed or cared, I'm sure), I select a few items and take them to the cashier to pay. There is only one register open, so I wait and tug my shirt down...wait and tug...wait and tug. Finally, it is my turn and I put on some confidence as though I meant to wear my shorts backwards...it's totally a new fashion trend (you didn't know?? How embarrassing for you!) The sweet cashier finishes my transaction and I am careful to put my wallet away, dig out my keys, and walk to my car. All of the sudden, I hear a voice...from heaven, you ask? Nope, this one's coming from the door to the store: "Ma'am!! I believe you forgot your bag" Oh...wow. I take the walk of shame back into the store to retrieve my items (because the sweet little lady couldn't have met me at the door with them) and am greeted by a long line of people waiting for the one cashier who had to leave her post to tell this crazy lady who must be on drugs (why else would she be wearing her shorts backwards) that she left her stuff. Coffee, you are apparently not enough for my brain.