This weekend, Brad and I attended a lovely wedding. Curtis, my big brother (Carla's real big brother), got married to a wonderful young woman, Abby. It was a beautiful ceremony and I'm so excited for their life together! Carla looked absolutely amazing!! Hopefully she'll send me a picture (hint hint) so that I can post it for you to see. Their dad looked fantastic and was a stud in his new red Corvette! There are so many things that I want to say about Mom #2 (Carla's mom: Mickey) and how proud she would have been and how much a part of the ceremony and festivities she truly was. To be honest, though, my words are not enough. They are simply not sufficient to express all that must have been present in the hearts and minds of everyone there. So, I will say this: I have an amazingly strong and wonderful best friend. She displays a total dependence on Christ each day that she gets up and, with joy in her heart, greets the world even with grief ever-present. She and her family are living testimonies of what it means to rely on Christ for your next breath, your next smile, and your next laugh. I love each of them dearly and am appreciative for what they have taught me throughout my life and specifically in the last almost two years.
Being a person who doesn't live in Pensacola, it's been easier to avoid the emotionally difficult situations that others have had to face within the last couple of years since Mom #2 passed (she is referred to this way because that is how she signed every card I received from her). But, I realized today the negative effect this has had. Since Brad and I got married, I have told myself that I wanted to see the Fillingims when I went into town because, being Emily's parents and people that I enjoy spending time with, they were kinda like family to me as well. But, life happened and I never made it a priority: so it rarely happened unless I was at church. Then when Mom #2 died, it became difficult for me to go to church at Cantonment. Since childhood, Carla's family picked me up for church. Her mom worked there and had been going for many, many years. It was just too painful. Sure, I made excuses as to why I wasn't going, but I realize that certain people, certain songs, certain rooms within the church reminded me so much of her that I could hear her laugh and her voice.
Carla, Emily, and I are at a place where we can talk and laugh about her without becoming emotional. Now, that's not to say that those moments do not still occur...and they will continue to occur throughout our lives. But, without even really realizing, I avoided contact with some of the other people that meant the most to Mom #2 because it brought back too many memories. I wasn't sure how I could move on with others when she had been such a strong figure of her friend group. I mean, I still tear up when I think of her belting out songs in her kitchen or getting a little sassy (as she could do on occasion). ;-) How was I possibly going to be able to spend time with people that I so closely associated with her? This morning, before leaving the hotel, Brad and I sat down with his parents, his aunt and uncle, a sweet lady from church and the Fillingims. It was an enlightening experience for me: I learned that while we will all always love her and always miss her, it's okay to make new memories with old friends. I know that it probably sounds silly. A little bit like a "well, duh" moment (if this were still 1995, that is). But, I had never put my feelings into conscious thoughts, so it was more of an "aha" moment. I can love Mom #2 and can continue to miss her as we all will for the rest of our lives; to move on and make new memories is not to forget her or how much she has meant to so many for so long.
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