Nothing more than feelings

Feelings. I used to be totally driven by them. I once used them as a guide for what I did and how I presented myself at. all. times. I still do sometimes. I think many of us do this: we float through life making decisions based on how we feel. Physical feelings, emotional feelings...they can completely rule our lives. And so often, they do. But, should they?

Physical feelings: we cannot help it. When we hurt, we hurt. When we're sick, we're sick. Time and time again, however, I'm moved by individuals who hurt, but still do. Who are sick, but still fight. They talk back to their feelings and push through anyway. I'm so thankful that I do not have chronic pain or sickness so I'm truly speaking out of my element on this one. I know that not everyone can push that far...not all people in pain can climb Mt. Everest...but maybe they can climb the stairs...or climb out of bed. My point is not to put anyone down, but to encourage what may seem like baby steps. With this bout of sleepiness throughout 2010, I've tried to push. I didn't always succeed...and perhaps that's not the point. I tried. I didn't give up. I won't give up. Sure, my body often still tells me (without ritalin) to shut down, sometimes more than others, but I refuse to let it keep me from living my life. Sure, my life has changed...my day is significantly shorter and I need more relaxed time if I'm going to do something or have just done something, but I'm still doing something!

Emotional feelings are often more difficult to talk back to. I think maybe that's because we don't know that we can. I always knew that I could "push through" my physical pain. I learned that from my mom and from color guard :-) I didn't realize, however, that I could push through my emotional pain. I learned this year, while battling some serious anxiety, that peace is available to me. I do not have to be anxious! I absolutely still have moments where anxious thoughts enter my mind (thoughts are a whole different story) and the feelings begin to rise, but I can talk back to them and quote one of the 365 scriptures about fear (well, I could...had I memorized all 365). Feelings are going to happen: sadness, anger, fear, excitement (which can actually be negative)...it's all a part of life and that's okay! It's important, though, to not let these feelings change what God has shown me about myself and my life.

Sure, God gives us feelings so that we can know the right thing to do. Sometimes we 'feel' afraid because of the cautiousness that God puts within us so that we don't do dumb things that will get us in trouble or hurt, but sometimes we feel afraid because Satan wants us to stay right where we are and not be effective. I'm still working on being able to tell my feelings from my heart: I've read that my feelings are what Satan will use, whereas my heart is where the Holy Spirit lies. It's honestly hard to tell the difference, sometimes. But, I'm thinking as long as I do my best to apply scripture to my life, I'm at least heading in the right direction.